What Will You Be in 2015?

It seems like days pass with a blink of an eye and before we know it another year comes and goes! 2014 was a year of personal growth for me. The year started at a time when I needed the most help. I had suffered emotional losses and in 2014 I began to pick up the pieces and put my emotional puzzle back together. There were times when I felt like I had lost myself and that I wouldn't be able to feel "normal" or happy again. It took months for me to recover! After reflecting on the ups and downs of 2014, I am so happy with where I am today!

Jon and I made the decision to pick up our life in Colorado and move to Arizona where we could be with our families and friends once again. We wanted to start over fresh and this opportunity allowed us to do just that! We began our Arizona chapter by finding a wonderful home where we could start new memories. We began making new friends and trying new things! Jon began his new hobby of wood working. He has created many masterpieces that are in our beautiful house today. I started a new job at Carlson Elementary where I teach 2nd grade to a wonderful group of children in Chandler, Arizona. We are happier now than we have been in a long time. We cannot forget the hard times we have been through but we have learned to focus on the growth we have made through these difficult trials that we have been given.

2015 is going to be a year of new. We are going to try new things, and focus our lives on things that make us feel new and refreshed! Instead of making goals of things I want to do in 2015, I am making a list of who I want to be in 2015. I don't want to focus on the task but who I can become!

I will be more patient.

I will be confident.

I will be happy. 

I will be a loving and supportive wife.

I will do what I can to be a mom.

I will be more organized.

I will be adventurous.

I will be a great friend.

I will be successful in my career.

I will be spiritually ready to face future trials.

I will be thoughtful and giving as my Dad would want me to be.

Forever Remembered and Cherished

A year has passed since this wonderful father, husband, grandpa, son, friend, and boss passed away that late afternoon on Monday, May 20th. It was a day that none of us will ever forget. I claim it was the worst day in my life. But at the same time after having a year to ponder and organize my feelings and thoughts, it was a day of so much gratitude. Yes, we had to say goodbye to our beloved Dad and friend but what wonderful memories we have of him. I’m grateful everyday that I had such a great relationship with my father. He knew me so well and loved me so much. Up until his death and probably still now he worried about me. He knew my struggles and heart breaks. He hoped for so much for me. And for that I am the luckiest to have a dad who did all that and so much more!

From an early age my Dad taught me to reach for the stars. He taught my sisters and I the importance of achieving personal goals. He shared with us a strong work ethic and the importance of making something of yourself no matter your circumstances. I remember being a child and wanting to become a teacher so badly. Many told me that teaching wasn’t the best field to go into as teachers don’t make much money. But my father stood behind my goal and supported me all the way through college and then into my first teaching job at Pony Express Elementary. He bragged to his buddies about his baby girl becoming a teacher and teaching those 4th graders in Eagle Mountain. You would’ve thought I had become a famous movie star because of the way he cherished my profession. He spent many hours helping me with my classroom and listening to my teaching stories. I will always take a little of my dad with me to every school I teach in because he was a huge part of me becoming a teacher! I learned from him how to make differences in other people’s lives. He served others so well and I know by watching him that I hope to continue to do the same throughout my life and in my career.

Family was so important my Dad. Many of my friends growing up loved coming to my house and being a part of my family. My dad loved his wife and children and wanted to spend as much time with us as he could. I remember when Jon and I started dating and how surprised Jon was when he would come to family functions and we would all just spend hours and hours laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Many families don’t have that and I know from my father that cherishing time with your family and loving one another is so important. 

My Dad loved having fun. Whether it was a day on the tennis court or a weekend at Lake Powell, my dad loved doing fun things and being active. We as a family travelled and vacationed to many places. If it meant getting his family together we would go anywhere! My Dad loved his toys. He had a boat, motorcycle, 4 wheeler (well technically that was mine.... I think), BMW and the list goes on. There wasn’t one thing my Dad never tried! His one love was tennis! During the last 5 years of his life he lived on the tennis court. He made so many friends with his tennis buddies. He was made the president of the Trilogy Tennis Club and did so many wonderful things for the community and tennis players. He tried to teach us how to play tennis and I can say I do love to place tennis but I don’t think I’m very good! Sorry Dad!

I have so many memories of my Dad and will forever hold those close to my heart. But one things that I have that is only mine, is my adventure with my Dad to China. At the time I was very nervous about traveling across the world, being away from my husband, and going to a very small town in China where they have nothing! Now since my Dad has passed, those memories I will cherish for forever! I am so glad my Dad took me to China and showed me that country. It softened my heart and taught me how lucky each of us are. Not only did it give me a humility check, it was an adventure only I was able to do with my dad. I walked on the Great Wall of China with my Dad. I sat by his side as he treated dental patients in Suquin, China. I tried disgusting food with him. I got to spend almost 2 weeks just him and I together as father and daughter! I will never forget those times. 

Nor will I ever forget any memories I have of my Dad. He is such an inspiration to me! Everyday I wake up and think of him. I think of the way he would react in certain circumstances. I try to act like him because I know the good man he always was. He was such a dear friend to so many people. I hope to be that same kind of friend to those around me like he was. As the years pass by and we go on with our lives, I will forever hold my Dad close to my heart! I have things around my house that remind me of him and of the amazing guy he was! I know without a doubt he is so happy right now! He is cheering me on through my life! I know he is up in heaven playing with my children! I know he will have a hand in helping us have that family that Jon and I have hoped and prayed for so long! This past year I have been made a stronger person for going through these trials of losing my Dad, but I have gained so much confidence in my knowledge of what happens after we end our earth life. I know he is looking down and protecting me and my family every moment of the day! 

Included is a link to view my memorial video I put together last year for my Dad's funeral.

Leaving Colorful Colorado

In less than two weeks Jon and I will be heading out on yet another adventure. Answers to our prayers have led us back to our "home" of Arizona. This past year we have been faced with many trials and through it all what has helped us most is our family and friends. We know being closer to them will help as we begin new things in both of our lives.

If you would've asked me 3 years ago if I would ever go back to Arizona, I would've said, "I wish!" But, now it's actually happening. Before we go and before the craziness of moving is among us, I wanted to sit down and write my thoughts down of our experiences in Colorado.

Four and a half years ago Jon came to Colorado by himself to begin graduate school at University of Colorado Denver. He got himself a VERY small studio apartment in the ghetto of Aurora, CO and began our adventure by himself. I stayed back and moved in with my parents in Gilbert to finish out my year teaching in Arizona. That was at the time the hardest thing we had been through, living 600 miles apart. I joined Jon in June 2010 and we started our new life in Colorado. We fell in love with this place. We loved the beautiful summer weather and quickly we found out unexpectedly I was pregnant! We were so excited to be in a place and with baby on the way!  That summer I made friends at school. We both got great callings in our new ward one in young women and Jon in primary.  However, later that summer we quickly found our lives weren't exactly going the way we hoped. Not being able to control anything, we lost our baby girl due to a neural tube defect only being 13 weeks along. That began our toughest trial as a couple. We tried again to get pregnant for another 2 years and nothing happened. It weighed on both of us heavily and we both bargained with our Heavenly Father hoping and praying something would happened.... it didn't. I began seeing a fertility specialist and both Jon and I seemed to have nothing seriously wrong with us. Minor complications but nothing that was going to cause infertility. For a year I went through ups and downs of trying different methods to get pregnant.... nothing but surgery after surgery! My frustrations began to take over my life. I felt so inadequate and a failure to Jon as a wife. I would be promised by my doctor that this time it would work and it never did. Finally getting ready to start a round of IVF that seemed to be hopeful my body wasn't responding and they didn't even get to the shots. I was so upset a year ago back in April 2013 asking why wasn't my body responding. A month later I realized quickly there was a reason to why I couldn't handle a pregnancy or the IVF treatments. Another life altering event happened unexpectedly. My father passed away May 20, 2013 due to heart complications and it sent me into a whirlwind as it did to all my family. I already wasn't stable but this caused me to become a different person. I was filled with anger, rage, resentment, doubt, and so much more. I longed for myself. I wanted to be that girl I knew I was. The Ashlyn who was happy and always smiling. During a Thanksgiving dinner with my family and having a heart to heart with my sister, I realized I needed help. I was suffering from depression and I wasn't willing to admit it. I was digging a deeper hole and all my family knew I needed to start talking to someone. I always said it was like I was outside of my body seeing a totally different person in myself.

It's now almost a year since my Dad's death and I can finally say I'm feeling like myself again. I have the strength now to get through things. I've been through a lot these past few years but I'm grateful every day for what I have become through it all. I am a stronger woman now. This journey in Colorado has taught me so much. I truly know Jon and I were guided to come here for those exact reasons. It made us grow closer to one another through our hard times and has prepared us for the future. I met some of the most amazing people while living here who have been my stability and have helped me along the way! I've realized that family even though we are related, sometimes we don't see eye to eye. I've learned who truly cares about me and want whats best for Jon and I. I wouldn't take back any of our experiences here in Colorado because they have given me strength to overcome anything. I'm strong because of what I've been through during the last 4 years. Colorado I will miss you. I will miss the fun memories. I will hold close the last friendships I have made. But most importantly I will remember what I have become through this all.

The Healing Power of Grief

A couple years ago I was faced with a trial that I thought was one of the worst anyone could be given. Infertility to me was something I struggled forgiving myself for. This condition isn't my fault or my husband's but it was a trial we have been faced with. I emotionally thought I couldn't handle anymore, but I was clearly wrong. Many of us have heard the saying, "When it rains.... it pours." For me that is always the case. 

10 months ago on May 20th, 2013 during my trial of infertility woes, my father passed away unexpectedly due to heart complications. It was something my family was afraid to face. We knew this day would come but didn't think it would happen so suddenly. I was already a mess dealing with my prior trials and this compounded it all. I lost the one person who had confidence in me. The one person who was my biggest cheerleader through all my challenges. I lost the one person most dearest to me! It was the one person I couldn't wait for my children to meet and call Grandpa! I't took many months to deal with this grief. It was the moment when I had lost control of myself. I was acting in ways I have never done before. I was feeling hopeless. I had lost my self worth. I felt like a completely different person. Jon and I knew I had to get help. I began closing people out of my life and keeping everything in. 

This past December I began seeing a therapist. It was something I never thought I would ever have to do. I was afraid of telling people that I was going to get help. I told people I was going to an appointment but never told what for. After visiting with my therapist for a few months, I began to be more comfortable with this idea of therapy. I realized it was indeed something I needed. I was grieving. I needed someone to talk to that could help me sort out my feelings and thoughts. I've been taught the stages of grief and how to handle each stage. I've started to feel like I'm myself again. It's taken time and I know I'm not healed yet. One thing we spoke about at my last therapy session was these next few months. How am I going to deal with the year mark of my father's death? What can I do to celebrate his life? It has been very important for me to focus on positives and and the joy that my father brought to my life and many others. I hope the next few weeks leading up to that day in May, I can remember the great times with my Dad. I hope I can be there for my mother and family members. I want others to know of a great man he was. I also want others to believe and trust in the faith that we will see him again! I know my Dad is watching over me. I feel him all the time. I'm so grateful for the blessings I have and for having such a wonderful influence in my life. He is in my heart forever.

A wonderful article that all should read was in the Ensign in January. The article is titled,

  "The Healing Power of Grief"

The Days Before the Internet

Ever think about what we did before the internet? I was driving home from church today and started thinking about how the internet and modern technology has changed my life and how much time I spend doing things like updating Facebook, viewing photos on Instagram, pinning great ideas that I probably will never use and checking my email for junk.

I've been fortunate to have the internet during most of my life and I remember vividly being in middle school when my family got AOL with a dial up modem. Yes back then the internet was VERY slow and ran through our home phone line. And yes we had home phones back then and they are pretty much extinct now in 2014 due to smart phones. I didn't own my first cell phone until I went to college. I remember being so excited for my Nokia brick. Then later upgraded to a flip phone. Back then I thought my cell phone could do it all.... I had no idea what the future held for each of us. Now we have access to everything on our phones. I'm glued to my iPhone. I use it for everything including; phone calls, text messages, emails, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, weather forecasts, bank statements, games, reading, and much more!

So what did we do before the internet and smartphones? I know I spent time doing more things like enjoying the outdoors, being with my family (not sitting together while we are all on our phones), doing things that I enjoyed (hobbies- I've come to realize I don't know what my hobbies are these days because of the lack of time I have). It's sad to think of how simple life was before all this and it scares me a bit to think of the future. In just the 30 years I've been alive, we have moved so rapidly with technology that it's scary to think of what 10 years from now will be like.

As much as I wish I could have a simpler life like I had before modern technology, I'm still very grateful for what this technology has done for me. I was able to go to college and be trained to teach children using a variety of technology tools. My father and many other family members were blessed with modern technology in the healthcare system. I was blessed by having the opportunity to fight my battle with infertility and be a part of so many great things that those struggling to have a family can now benefit from. I'm lucky to be able to communicate with my family near and far and keep up to date with everyone. Last but not least I am able to research and study my genealogy and keep record of my own life using the internet.

We are all blessed because of the many uses of modern technology. But I hope I will remember to use my time wisely and try to live a simpler life like that of one who didn't have the internet say 15 years ago.

Do you remember?

About Time

Yesterday a dear friend of mine suggested that I should watch a movie called, "About Time." I was very curious when she mentioned that I would benefit and really enjoy this emotional movie. Benefit from an emotional movie? Really.... that sounds a bit odd.

Anyway, I went and rented the movie and began watching it. It's one of those shows you have to give time because it's very slow at the beginning but I completely understand why she said it's worth the time watching it and I truly benefitted from this story and it's message.

The movie is about a man who has the power to travel back in time. As he goes on through life and faces trials and celebrates joys, he gains knowledge from his ability to change things and learn from past experiences by having a "do over."

I connected so much to this movie because this year I have battled so much with some of the hardest trials I have been faced with. I've had to let go of things of the past and move forward with the future. That is one of the most challenging things to do. As we say hello to the future, we must say goodbye to the past. In the movie the man learns after losing his father and battling through life's challenges, that he doesn't need to travel back in time to fix things any longer... he just needs to remember the following;

"I just try to live everyday as if I have deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it.... As if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."

I hope I can remember this and truly live each day by enjoying it. I will cherish the memories of the past and look forward to those of the future.

PHOTOFLOP AKA PHOTOSHOP

About 36 hours ago I thought I would become a Photoshop expert. After many videos and exploring, I can honestly say this new hobby of mine that I thought would be easy, definitely will take time. I'm crafty. I love to scrapbook and I am fast and good with the computer. You would think those skills would come in handy for Photoshop but I was VERY wrong. I feel like I am learning a new language. All the buttons, commands and the endless possibilities of layers and tools. I have played around and finally finished ONE page. Yes that is right I used someone else's free template and moved things around, cropped some photos and added my text. I wish I could give myself credit on this one, but at least I'm learning... SLOWLY. Maybe one day I will be able to make a page myself.

THIS BLOG IS MY JOURNAL

Journal keeping has always been one thing that I have always wanted to do better at. I have kept many different journals in my lifetime. I started with simple diaries as a young child and teenager that included the joys of adolescence. These diaries got retired during college and I began writing in a journal where I celebrated triumphs and also poured out my emotions during difficult times as I entered into adulthood. I’ve never stayed very consistent with any record keeping and last night I was inspired by lessons taught at a church meeting that I attended for women about journal keeping.

Even though my family is very small right now, what am I doing to leave a legacy for my family in the future? Am I wasting time documenting on social media instead of writing my thoughts and sharing photos of my life for the future generations? 

I’ve been taught lately by someone dear to me who has helped me realize the importance of writing my thoughts down. I’ve been through so much in the last year that I’ve continued to hold things in and I’m just starting to learn that that isn’t the best thing to do. Journal keeping is that tool that everyone can use to get their thoughts out. Whether they will be kept private or displayed for all to read, we should write things down. 

I’ve decided to continue to blog personally. Whether or not I have 100 followers or just one, the most important reason to blog is for myself and for my family to read in the future. This digital time that we live in, we can have been given so many tools and blogging is one of those. The possibilities are endless and I hope my words inspire those who read and that they will be keepsakes to my family who I love dearly. I want to share my love for things that mean the world to me. I want to discuss feelings and thoughts that I encounter. I want to testify of my love for God and the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I want to express gratitude each and every day and all this will be done with writing my feelings and thoughts down on this blog and in my personal journals.

Feeling Like Giving Up

This afternoon I received a video link from a friend and I didn't watch it tonight until after my day began falling apart. As many of my days go... I start doing so good, focusing of positives, and then BAM something bad happens. Some piece of bad news is dropped on me. 

Today I received a call from my nurse saying, they were excited that my levels were higher than last month (yes great I know) BUT.... (There is always a but) Dr. Swanson would like Jon and you to come in and discuss your options with him as your cyst is kinda in the way right and we need to talk to you about this in more detail. So....... I now get to wait until Friday to find out that I'm more than likely having surgery #2 in the very near future. Days like today while frustrated, crying, and angry, I just want to give up. I want to throw in the towel and say, "I've been trying and I'm done!" I'm so sick of the e,optional roller coaster I'm riding on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It's exhausting and frustrating...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MosAkwGMJYM&sns=em

So as I watched this video, I sobbed and sobbed because there are so many different mothers out there but WHY do I have to be this one?

Someday...

I've decided since its hard to explain my feelings and emotions that maybe it would be best for me to get it all out of by blogging my experiences. As the last post I wrote stated, Jon and I have been going through many ups and downs. We have been battling with infertility and the roller coaster of emotions that brings. Back in December our infertility doctor gave us a choice. We could do artificial insemination and have about a 10% chance of success or have a higher success rate by doing Invitro fertilization. After much prayer and thought we knew we needed to be more aggressive and go for the    IVF option. It was going to cost us ALOT more but we knew we needed to do this. We began saving all our pennies and in January when we were getting ready to start the IVF cycle, they found uterine polyps. As many of you know polyps cause problems with embryo implantation. So they immediately wanted me to have surgery to remove them. I did this and began to heal physically. Us, healing emotionally is difficult as it was a big upset to know I had one more thing hindering me from getting the one thing I want most in life... A baby! For anyone going through fertility issues you know that timing is essential. You have one hiccup and you have to wait a month, or more. Because of the importance of the female cycle. So March came and I was all healed and they I'd I was clear and ready to start the hormone shots and start this IVF. I not in for my day 3 blood work and ultrasound and for some reason my body wasn't cooperating.  My uterine lining was not thinning out as expected at my time of my cycle and when it rains it pours because they also found a cyst in my right ovary. These things caused my doctor to stop the IVF cycle and cancel all drugs that I was taking. My body was telling me something wasn't right and my doctor knows that you can't do anything like this if my body isn't 100% perfect. So another month went by and now that brings us to the beginning of May. So excited to take another stab at this thing and hopefully body will calm down and respond better under the circumstances I'm on now with NO hormones. The hormones I was on had to be causing the cyst, lining issues, polyps, etc.

I went in last week and it looks like my body IS doing better. That troubling cyst is still there but it hasn't gotten any bigger. So that's a positive. Unfortunately on Friday my nurse said the doctor wants to look things over more because they need to decide if this cyst needs to be surgically removed or if it won't bother anything if they go ahead and proceed with the Invitro fertilization.

So yes, I'm constantly thinking about this and I'm an emotional mess some of the time. But I'm becoming better with dealing with my emotions. I'm trying to focus on the blessings that I have in my life. Because as everyone has trials we all have blessings that help us get through troubling times.

Having today be Mothers Day, I would be lying if I didn't say it is hard. Because it is! It's hard to watch family and friends celebrate their happiness of being a mother, when that is the one thing I want so badly in life. I know my Heavenly Father is watching over me and is aware of my dreams. I also know he has a plan for me and I need to be patient and strong. I'm so grateful for all the things I have in my life like my wonderful and supportive husband. Because of this trial we have grown so close and I'm thankful every single day for him. I'm also blessed with the most amazing mother and sisters who care and love me! They make this path that I am on a little bit easier. And I'm also grateful for friends who are there for me and who help me keep my mind off things that hurt. Like I said above I trully am blessed and grateful for everything in my life. And I know that one day I will be blessed through this trial. I will one day get to be a mother to the sweetest and most perfect baby!

I'm Back!!!

Okay so I decided this week that I am getting back in the blogging world. I feel like it's a great place to talk about things I am going through and share our joys with our friends and family! So now that summer is officially over and school is back in session, I will now be adding to my blog regularly! This summer was SOOOOOO awesome! I really took advantage of my time off. I spent time in many different places with my friends and family! I started the summer vacation visiting friends and family in Arizona. We went back to Arizona for fun over Memorial weekend before Jon started his new job. It was great seeing everyone but it was already freaking hot and I remembered that I don't like that place that time of year. Then I came back to Denver and geared up for Girls Camp. We had a great time at Camp Joseph. The girls were wonderful and I enjoyed every minute being up there with my wonderful ward. After girls camp I headed to Utah. Jon wasn't able to come with me because of his new consulting job but I drove with my sister and her kids to Salt Lake where we met up with my parents, and my other sister and her family. We then started the Steadman Family road trip. Our first stop was Logan, Utah. We were able to show the grandkids where my parents went to school and met along with my sisters who also graduated from Utah State. Then we headed to Lava Hot Springs and spent a day there at the pool. We then headed to Blackfoot Idaho where my brother in law is from and then on to Rexburg and saw my grandmother's graveside and got to clean it up and put flowers on it. So far we had travelled to many places but our trip had barely began. We then made our way to Yellowstone. We were able to spend a few days touring this amazing place. I was amazed by that beauty of that national park. I couldn't believe it! I hope to take Jon there someday with our children. Then after Yellowstone we made our way to Jackson Hole and spent 3 days there in a fun Brady Bunch style home on the Grand Teton ski resort! Our trip then ended as we made our way back to Salt Lake City. I was able to spend a few days in Utah visiting friends and family. It's always great to be back in my hometown! Summer wasn't over when I came back mid July. I got to go camping with my ward for youth conference and was able to just relax and enjoy my time off from work. Summer was wonderful but it's always great to go back to school and get a new batch of kids. It's going to be another great year at Legacy. I've got a good group and I've made some new friends with my new coworkers. I guess it's another year with some more memories!

Spring Break

Spring Break to a teacher is a time to relax, rewind, and to start stressing that there are only 6 weeks left of school! I'm going to definitely take time for myself and my house but will without a doubt spend time doing school stuff....of course! But here are the things I hope to do during my 10 days off of school!!

Go see Hunger Games


Stay up late and SLEEP IN


Enjoy the beautiful sunshine


Catch up with Friends


Clean and Organize


Spend time TpTing


Catch up on my DVR


Try to stay away from school

Currently

Currently
By: Ashlyn

Listening- Anything by Adele (I love her!)

Loving- Chocolate.. of course!

Thinking- That I need to go work out tonight, but instead I think I will go meet my hubby for dinner! :)

Wanting- A new pair of UGG boots to keep me warm in this winter cold!

Needing- A break already from school....oops wasn't it just Christmas break?

Go ahead and copy and paste into your BLOG and tell us your CURRENT thoughts. Love ya!

A New Year....A New Blog Post

So I was in Arizona and I had 3 people ask me why I haven't updated my BLOG in SOOOOOOO long. Since March my life has been so busy. With a new church calling as Young Women president, added responsibilities at school, and trying to find time to be with Jon... my life has flown by and there are many things that I have neglected. One being my blog. So now with the New Year happing in one day, I have made a goal to get back to blogging. So hope you are all ready to hear more from the Ellsworth's, because the Ellsworth's are back!!

You're A Special Little Spirit

A young lady who ended losing one of her precious babies to anencephaly like Jon and I's baby had, sent me this beautiful poem and I needed to share this with you all. It touched my heart and I know even if you haven't lost a child you will still find meaning in this.

You're A Special Little Spirit

"You're a Special Little Spirit" the all great Master said,
As he gently caressed the curly blond hair of the Little Spirit's head.
"You need to go to Earth to spend some time, you know,
A place I send most Spirits to be tested, to learn, to grow."
The Little Spirit, in sadness, slowly bowed her head,
And from her eye a tear did steal and down her cheek it shed.
"Don't you fret now little one, I won't let you stay too long,
I'll bring you back to help me here,
You'll hardly know you've been gone.
You're my choicest Little Spirit, you're the apple of my eye."
And he wiped the tear and gently kissed
His Little Spirit goodbye.

"I'm back," the Little Spirit whispered
as she climbed onto her Master's knee,
And the Master said,
"I told you, you would not be long away from me."
And then, the Lord, He noticed still
another tear welled in her eye.
"Why are you so sad, Little Spirit,
Whatever should make you cry?"
"I'm glad I'm back," the Spirit said,
"but Master you must surely know,
When your angel came to get me, I didn't want to go.
I know you said you needed me
and that I'd be gone the shortest while,
But Lord, couldn't I have had a little loner earthly trial?"

The Master let the Little Spirit slip down from His knee,
He firmly took the little hand and said, "Come walk with me."
The Little Spirit and her Lord walked slowly hand in hand,
As the Master explained Her special part
in the great and marvelous plan.
"Now Lord, I don't mean to argue,
I understand you need me home.
But I left in such a hurry,
I left everyone hurting and so alone.
I didn't let my earthly parents know
how much I loved them so
I was much too small to tell them,
Lord, how will they ever know?
They feel they've been cheated, and in a way so do I.
Not getting to share any more than we did,
how can I ever tell them why?"

"Little Spirit, I know your heart is heavy
with the message you need to share.
But you need not worry anymore,
I'll watch over your loved ones there.
I'll send them loving comfort as a strong and helping hand.
I'll content and give peace to their aching hearts,
so they will understand.
The Little Spirit looked up at her Master and said
"Thank you for explaining it to me,
And could you please tell them I'm safe and happy
and that someday they'll be here with me."
"Yes." said the Lord with a smile and a nod,
"I'll tell them all that I can."

Then the others came to see the Little Spirit,
as the Lord let go of her hand.
He said, "I'll tell them you're pure, as pure as Heaven's Gold,
that I needed the warmth of your perfect soul
to keep Heaven from getting cold."

Cheers for 2011

2010 was a crazy year for Jon and I. As we celebrated New Years Eve last night and brought in the new year we remembered all the heartache, loneliness, and sadness we experienced. Without a doubt 2010 was our hardest year yet. We started out 2010 being seperated by 600 miles while Jon started our Denver adventure. I had to stay in Arizona to finish out my teaching contract. It was so hard being away from Jon for 5 months. I will NEVER do that again! We then got together in the summer and found out that we were expecting our first baby. We were delighted by the surprising news and couldn't wait for February 18th, 2011 to come because thats when we were going to meet our little girl! Things took a turn for the worst in August and after being 13 weeks pregnant I had to end the short journey I had with our little girl. That was the hardest thing we have done. But it has made us grow so close and realize the wonderful things we have. We are grateful to have a little girl waiting for us in heaven and know she has touched our hearts in ways that we can't even explain.

2010 wasn't a complete downer. We had highlights as well. Jon started graduate school at University of Colorado Denver studying healthcare administration and accounting. We moved to a great place and have made wonderful friends in Denver. I found a teaching job and count my many blessings for that because as many of you know teaching jobs are not being found in this economy. So we can't say nothing great happened this past year. But we do know that 2011 will bring us joy and we both have a good feeling about this great new year that is upon us. We look forward to hopefully getting another opportunity to have another baby and for the chance to love that boy or girl with all that we have. We will find out where Jon will do his residency in 2012 so we can plan our future. We also plan on travelling a bit to see family and friends. We also know that 2011 will bring surprises and we can't wait to see what it has in store for us. So here is to 2011and the wonderful year it will be for us and for all of you! Cheers!!

Surprise!!

Last week Jon paid a visit to my school and brought cookies for my class. I thought nothing of it and then he started playing hangman with my class. The other 1st grade class, my principal, and my aide all came in. I was very curious to why they were also visiting. Then Jon put on the board a hangman message for me. He told the class that only I could play. So I started guessing letters and then as I figured it out I was speechless I looked around feeling nervous and sweaty and read the message out loud, "Mrs. Ellsworth, surprise you are going to Phoenix tonight!" I was so excited. My kids were confused and all they could say was how good I was at Hangman! :)

So we jumped on the flight and as soon as we landed the birthday partying didn't end until we flew home that Sunday. He got all my great friends together Friday night at Cafe Rio and surprised me with a party. Great friends, and good food! Then I got to go birthday shopping with my mom. Good thing my mom had an extra suitcase for me to take home. Then we also got to meet some new babies! We got to meet our niece Haylee Jo who is a month old and then Mason Heal. We are so excited for both our family and friends with new bundles of joys. Of course we got to spend some good time with our close friends the Romneys and play with their adorable one year old twin girls. They made us laugh and also made it hard for us to leave. But of course the time came that we had to leave but I was so grateful to spend the weekend with friends and family. Jon did it again this year and made my birthday really special.

He had also planned to take me to the Melting Pot on my actual birthday Dec. 14th but unfortunately while at school that day I started feeling really sick. So I came home and went straight to bed and we rescheduled for a few days later hoping I would feel better. It didn't go away but we still went anyway and enjoyed our time. But I'm home all this weekend laying low and trying to kick this crud I have! Yuck! Bad cough, sore throat, tired, everything! But I want to say thank you to my amazing Jon for planning an incredible birthday. Everything was great and Im thankful I got sick after it all was done! :) It was a great 27th birthday and will hope that my 27th year is full of birthday wishes for a better year than last!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I have so many things to be grateful for and I thought in the spirit of the season I would mention those things that are most important to me and that I am indeed thankful for.

*I'm thankful for my loving parents. They both have been a huge inspiration to me and have always been there when I needed them most. Randy and Rebecca you are the best!

*I'm thankful to be a teacher. There is no other career where you can make such a huge impact in children's lives and have fun while doing it. I love what I do!

*I'm thankful the gospel in my life. I'm grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

*I'm thankful for my great health and to be able to do so many things.

* I'm thankful for friends. I have some of the best friends in the world and I am lucky to have them each in my life!

* I'm thankful for 6 beautiful and talented nieces and nephews. I love you Logan, Sydnee, Kolton, Skylen, Zander, and my newest niece Haylee Jo!

* I'm thankful to have a guardian angel watching over me in heaven. I love you baby girl!

*I'm thankful for two amazing sisters. You have been there for me when I have needed you the most and have been examples to follow. I'm proud to be your baby sister.

*And, most importantly I'm thankful for my wonderful husband Jon. You are my everything. You have been by my side through thick and thin. We have grown so close these last few months and I'm so proud to be lucky enough to have such an amazing companion for all eternity. I love you!