10 months ago on May 20th, 2013 during my trial of infertility woes, my father passed away unexpectedly due to heart complications. It was something my family was afraid to face. We knew this day would come but didn't think it would happen so suddenly. I was already a mess dealing with my prior trials and this compounded it all. I lost the one person who had confidence in me. The one person who was my biggest cheerleader through all my challenges. I lost the one person most dearest to me! It was the one person I couldn't wait for my children to meet and call Grandpa! I't took many months to deal with this grief. It was the moment when I had lost control of myself. I was acting in ways I have never done before. I was feeling hopeless. I had lost my self worth. I felt like a completely different person. Jon and I knew I had to get help. I began closing people out of my life and keeping everything in.
This past December I began seeing a therapist. It was something I never thought I would ever have to do. I was afraid of telling people that I was going to get help. I told people I was going to an appointment but never told what for. After visiting with my therapist for a few months, I began to be more comfortable with this idea of therapy. I realized it was indeed something I needed. I was grieving. I needed someone to talk to that could help me sort out my feelings and thoughts. I've been taught the stages of grief and how to handle each stage. I've started to feel like I'm myself again. It's taken time and I know I'm not healed yet. One thing we spoke about at my last therapy session was these next few months. How am I going to deal with the year mark of my father's death? What can I do to celebrate his life? It has been very important for me to focus on positives and and the joy that my father brought to my life and many others. I hope the next few weeks leading up to that day in May, I can remember the great times with my Dad. I hope I can be there for my mother and family members. I want others to know of a great man he was. I also want others to believe and trust in the faith that we will see him again! I know my Dad is watching over me. I feel him all the time. I'm so grateful for the blessings I have and for having such a wonderful influence in my life. He is in my heart forever.
A wonderful article that all should read was in the Ensign in January. The article is titled,